Relationship problems

I do not say this easily, but my relationship with one member of this household is forever down the drain, over, finished.
I can officially state now that there is one thing I hate...


And that is our vacuum.
It is too big, to heavy, too noisy and gives me a backache while trying to use it.
Not sure if it is just this one, but if it were just me, I would never ever get an upright vacuum again.

With 4 dogs and 3 people we need a good vacuum, but from the start my relationship with the resident vacuum has been troubled to say the least.
And I am not on my own, both female dogs in this household run, hide with their tails tucked to their bellies from this loud monster.
So maybe it is a female thing, since Jack praises it ability to get the rugs in the house clean.

I don't know, when I try to vacuum the rugs, I have a hard time keeping the vacuum from eating them.
But when I try to vacuum the linoleum, it seems to have lost its appetite and it won't suck up a thing.

And than the problem I have with keeping it upright, there is a hose attached to it that I need to use for the couches. Constantly I forget that this monster is upright on its ' thing' and not on 4 comfortable little wheels that make maneuvering around easy and simple.
It reminds me by falling over on a regular base and usually hitting me on the shins.

Honestly, I think this type of vacuum was invented by men.
No way a woman could have created such a monster.
That, or this particular one hates me.
But, it is still working and since I am Dutch, it will stay around until it drops dead but forgive me if I am in the meantime eying those slender, elegant and light vacuums and daydreaming about one day maybe owning one again.

Btw: the shown vacuum isn't ours. It only looks similar.