Saturday, March 15, 2008

For who wants to know...it is MY life!!!

Last month it was a year ago that I finally got the papers that told me I was responsible for myself and my son. That I would be responsible for how happy we would be and responsible for every decision I made.
To get that far, to admit that that would be the step I had to take, took me about 2 years I think, after that, it took about a year to make it all really happen.

Seeing where we are now, how wonderful my son is doing. Seeing his self confidence grow, I think we are doing great.
We are looking at the future with the feeling that we have a lot to look forward to.
For a year there were no dark clouds smothering us, no dark clouds that made it hard to breath, no clouds that made us want to tiptoe around in fear of dark clouds turning into thunderstorms.

We are actually discussing the future, what do we want, for my son, the sky seems the limit right now.
He finally is getting the idea that good things can happen to him also, that he is smart enough to make things happen himself.
The two of us learned an awful lot this year.
Strongly encouraged by Jack, who seems to believe in people and has a positive look on things.

And than you walk into people with such a negative attitude, who set you back years.
People that tell you that no matter what you want, other people pull the strings. That no matter how hard you worked, it won't help you.
People so negative, who look down on you and make you feel bad instantly.
People who make you mad, make you want to cry and crawl under a rock and hide.
They tell you they mean well, they want you to have the best life possible.
Who tell you they want to see you happy...

I walked away.
You can tell me that that was weak, but I had had to get away from those dark clouds that were already suffocating me.
I needed about 45 minutes to recognize they are wrong.
My life is mine, my decisions are mine to take.
And I am doing a good job, together with my son.

It is MY life!!!
And I live it how I want to live it.
I am not asking for your permission and I sure don't need it.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hubertine

And so it is......!!!!!!!

jack said...

Every one of us comes into this world alone and everyone of us will leave this world alone. It is a sad thing if people are caught in a negative surrounding and never allowed to find their own voice in life. Negative things will happen to us all that are beyond our control but what is under our control is to avoid negative people who would hold us down and decide to live life seaching for all that is good and positive. By doing so we become much better individuals, we become true and honest with ourselves, and can pass on to our children and others happiness and the wonderful possibilities in life.

Anonymous said...

Willeke

I hope you're not offended by my comments - I met way too many people like the ones Petra describes, especially here in the Nehterlands and what I wrote is more or less the same as Jack's words only he dsad it more civilized - I am a lot older so I probably met a LOT more of those j*&^*&^.

Ik leef met je mee!!!

Anonymous said...

Hil
Peet,
I regonise a lot in your words in this blog.

One thing that I believe in:

People that really mean well, leave all the decision making to you and you alone. You get no advice on what you may or not be doing well or doing right. People that mean well just listen and be there for the one that is making the decisions.Periode!

Laura said...

Dear Petra,

We allready talked on the phone about this, but I still feel that I need to respond on your blog entry. Because it had upset me to hear what happened.

I guess some people like you better when you are in a bad marriage, with no love, no money, no hope, no plans and no dreams. Because when you are like that, they can look down on you and that makes their own problems look smaller. That is just the way it is. Most people are like that, but not everyone is feels the need so strong, to confront people in such a way.

My advice: always listen carefully if someone has something to say, even if it’s something that you don’t like to hear . And also: always listen to someone who wants to apologize.

But never let anyone tell you that dreams and hope are silly and not worth fighting for. Jack is someone who is worth fighting for.

I am proud of the way you live your life and how you took back the control over your life. I have seen how - not only you, but even more Dennis is growing stronger and more and more selfconfident. And Eric and I really look forward to seeying him together with you and Jack again soon. I think we made lovely memories that evening at our house.

I will be here for you (all three) as a friend. In good times and in bad times.

xxx